


Worlds Apart

by alightwith_happiness



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, jily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-15 18:05:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14795358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alightwith_happiness/pseuds/alightwith_happiness
Summary: 1976: Word spread, bets were placed. The once-thought enmity was well on its way to becoming Hogwarts's most noteworthy romance...1977: By the time their first journey on the Hogwarts Express came to a close, every new student had heard the tale of their Head Boy and Head Girl. The rest was history.1978: His heart breaks as he breaks his promise to her, but he has no choice. James leaves Lily.//A story of four young Hogwarts grads, highly invested Order members, and their coming of age during the First Wizarding War.Highly canon, Jily af.





	1. My Dearest Lilyflower

**A/N**

_—Harry Potter_ belongs to J.K. Rowling—

This is a story of James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus from 1978-1981. They are young Hogwarts grads and highly invested members of the Order of the Phoenix. They are blessed to have one another yet coming of age in the face of loss.

To me, the story of Lily and James Potter ought to be a classic Romance. And if with everything else going on, I can really get to the heart of their love and do their relationship justice, I'd be elated! It'll take me a few chapters to get there, but I think I can make it happen. Bear with me!

I will be staying true to canon (plot, characters) but taking some liberties i.e. adding characters we love (Weasleys, McGonagall) and whom we know little about in this time frame, possibly re-ordering deaths, imagining specificities.

I'd also like to portray Albus Dumbledore as a wise old man who himself has a lot to learn in the two decades "Worlds Apart" and _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_ bookend. While his leadership isn't necessarily venerable, Dumbledore's flaws I don't think are consequence enough to love him any less. He means well, really. And he has a lot of responsibility—does he not? If knowledge is power, Dumbledore has the most. And with great power comes great responsibility. What is executive decision-making if not controversial? I hope "Worlds Apart" will allow him to learn from his mistakes much like we see at the end of _Order of the Phoenix_ and even in _Deathly Hallows._

At its crux, it's still a Jily story. Don't worry.

I might edit chapters (in which case I'll let you know) before posting the next chapter. I've a good idea where the story is going, but I'd also like to write and put my work out there for feedback as I go along. This is going to be my first ever (and complete) fic!

 **Thank you for reading!** **I really hope you'll enjoy as much I did writing.**

_P.S. I think it gets good around Chapter 5._

* * *

_My dearest Lilyflower,_

_I shouldn't be sending you this letter. It might not reach you._

_If it does, you might not care._

_You're furious and upset—and you have every right to be. I'd be mad at me too. In fact, I am._

_I should have said my last words to you in person. For that I'll never forgive myself, yet I cannot leave them unsaid._

_Where I've gone I cannot say. But I promise I'll be far enough that one day soon enough you'll stop missing me. It's quite another matter, love, that you'll be with me wherever I go. I'll hold you in my heart. Safekeep the few and fleeting moments we shared. And find peace in knowing this was how it was meant to be._

_You know I never thought we'd end up this way. I always thought I would have a thousand forevers with you — these vows I would say to you on the castle grounds... us and Dumbledore at an altar encircled in enchanted white and flush flowers... Padfoot grinning from ear to ear, even Moony's eyes twinkling as his left lip curved up ever so slightly... The stars and centaurs blessing us, the rest of the staff and student body in sniffles._

_I didn't know it back then, but something within me loved you from the moment I saw you: bright eyed, already in your robes, hair as red as the paint on that titanic engine, dangling out the window, waving your first goodbye. Seven years in the presence of your righteousness, courage, resilience, and kindness, I am a better man owing to that love. Privileged to be the one chosen to receive yours._

_You are the one of us who always says we never really have a choice. That we never did. How we chose before in our every breath, thought, act—light or dark—would shine or spill out on its own accord when the time came. The heart would know what to do. The mind would fall silent._

_So I know you'll understand—when the upset fades, and it will—why I left when I could have stayed and fought by your side._

_For your safety... for the friends who were our only family left... for the world we had wanted for our little Jameses and Lilys._

_One we might yet get._

_Over the years we have all endured our unfair share of loss—but you perhaps with the most grace. With the most hope. As staggering as this is—trust me Lilyflower, I know. I'm the one leaving but you're not the only one in pain—I ask you to bear it once more._

_Yours until the very end,_  
_James_

His silent tears had dried with each version of this last letter. Lay before him was his neatest script. Not a single thought crossed out. Not one "I love you so much it hurts." He had told her just enough. What more could he say? She would know. It would do.

In James's childhood bedroom, sunlight poured through the floor-to-ceiling window in front of the large mahogany desk at which he now sat. He basked in its weight and warmth as if it were the heat coming from fast asleep Lily's body as he lay with his arms wrapped around her. The last morning James would find himself waking up with his love in his arms had come and gone just two mornings ago—without him knowing it was to be the last.

They'd come to this very room in his parents' ancestral home—James still refused to call it his, though Fleamont and Euphemia had long since passed—"alight with happiness" and more than a lil drunk on pear cider Friday night from some humble celebrations at The Burrow for Arthur and Molly's new baby boys. The entire Order—thirty some members—had apparated from wherever they were stationed for little Fred and George's homecoming from St. Mungos. The war in full swing, any happy moments were hard to come by and not taken for granted. James and his stunning Lily both had had a chance to hold the babies, and later that night they'd whispered in the dark of how it might be to one day cradle their own.

James abruptly subdued these images in his mind—an internal occulumens if you will—attempting to draw his inner turmoil to the level of tranquility abound in the room he now stood. His large, dark, square four-poster bed was made perfectly in densly embroidered gold and navy fittings, matching the lengthy curtains on the window they faced. Not a thread was out of place. Not a speck of dust lingered on his vast mahogany floors. James looked down to see himself standing on the soft carpet he and Sirius would make forts over. They'd sit here on the ground with self-filling plates of their favorite sandwiches and fabricate elaborate plans once upon a time too long ago, though not even two or three years ago perhaps. Luxury was as hard to come by as happiness these days, but his immaculately-kept room was a reminder of the youth he'd long since bid farewell and would finally be leaving forever.

Romey, the Potter house-elf, James knew would take good care of his brothers and the Order. She'd be kept contentedly busy now that he was leaving Potter Estate to Dumbledore as Order headquarters. In its previous owners' prime, Potter Estate had been both a renowned and trusted space. Sorcerers, administrators, and academics would come and converse over tea with James's intellectual old man, and all magical children too young to attend Hogwarts were welcomed to come spend the days learning and playing with James's affectionate mother. Magic was suspended in the air here at Potter Estate. It was a safe place. James knew that not only his house elf but his home as well would take good care of those left siding with good.

Sirius would still have his room here, of course. And Remus, when he came back from his current assignment. And Peter. And Lily.

James sighed.

With no parents between the two of them to express reservations on their living in, James had told Lily she could come live here at the end of summer. Lily had wanted to try mending her relationship with her only left blood relative before Petunia left for university in September. (Muggles went to boarding school after eighteen years of age oddly enough.) But James knew that being back in her childhood home with a bitter, detached sister was nothing but a constant reminder of the life Lily too would never get back.

In fact, on Friday night, Lily had announced to James that she'd given up on Tuney and was ready to come be with James, in his room, in his heart, forever. Wobbling Lily had been so determined that she almost made them apparate to her house right then to pack her belongings before James had to steady her and say,

_"Forever is a long time, Lilyflower. We have so much time. We'll go when the boys are around to help."_

But the boys hadn't come around yet. In fact, in the last forty-eight hours James's entire 'forever' had changed.

Saturday, soon after him and Lily shared a late breakfast of coffee and sweet rolls and she went off, promising to come for dinner after Monday night's Order meeting, James was summoned by Profesor Dumbledore. A trip to Hogsmeade and a very serious conversation in the back room of the Hog’s Head later, James emerged strapped with Dumbledore’s latest intel and endowed Dumbledore's trust.

The responsibility placed upon the eighteen-year-old had seemingly turned him from boy into man overnight and unable to face the girl he'd one day hoped to call his wife.

He pocketed the letter he'd painstakingly written. It wasn't time to send it yet.

Dressed in dark jeans and a black sweater, James walked to his bedroom door and picked up a "backpack" with an Undetectable Extension Charm—a gift from Lily for his birthday just last week. Another heart-wrenching reminder of Lily and just how happy they'd been but a few days before. It was now filled with everything James had ever had that was worth keeping.

Well, almost everything.

 _She won't forgive me_ , he thought certainly. But he hadn’t a choice.

As James then drew his entire attention to his upcoming role, he closed the door on his childhood bedroom and left as a man for the very first time. He wasn't coming back. If it wasn't for the magic suspended in the air here at Potter Estate, it may have almost been as if the boy James Potter had never existed at all.


	2. Promise, You Have to Promise

Petunia hadn't been home on Saturday when Lily had returned. Probably out being brainwashed by her bigot of a boyfriend. She'd hated to view her sister in this way but the thought had sentiently presented itself to Lily.

It had taken Lily and James just one encounter with Vernon Dursley the year before to discover that he was worse than Severus. Insecure, spiteful, downright cowardly. Lily was now so past even being friends with Severus that she was no longer ashamed she had ever been. But seeing her sister make the same folly engaging Vernon she herself so nearly had with Severus did not sit well with Lily.

 _Haven't we lost enough for Petunia to be so hell-bent on losing meee toooo?_ While Lily wanted nothing more than to patch up with her older sister, the cause was lost, and it was high time that Lily accept it.

Lily may have been half a bottle of pear cider down when she said them the night before, but the intent behind her words to James had been discernibly sober.

_"I've decided," Lily announced, plopping down criss cross apple sauce on his bed. "I've had enough. James, I'm coming to live with you."_

_The couple had apparated right into James's bedroom and right onto his bed. James sunk into his back, sprawling over his full bedspread as Lily scooted closer._

_"That took so much concentration, I'm dizzy," he managed._

_"It was better than flying though," Lily said, looking over him._

_"Easy for you to say. You were Side-Along. I had to make sure dumb and dumber both got here without splinching an eyebrow or something."_

_"And you did a wonderful job my Jamesie," Lily said, suddenly turning to lay on her stomach next to him. "And for that you deserve a kiss."_

_She lazily leaned up and smooched his jaw. "P.S. I'm dumb. You're dumber."_

_"Whatever you say, Lilyflower." His eyes were still closed._

_Restless as she was even normally, with the emotions of the night still coursing rampantly through her, Lily suddenly stood up and off the bed._

_"I'm serious though. I'm moving in."_

_"Sirius is already moved in, Lily."_

_She smacked his thigh with the back of her hand. "Okay you deserved that one."_

_"Okay," James smiled slightly, finally opening his eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry."_

_"Plus flying makes me dizzy, and I'm just so scared I'll fall off—" she went off._

_James sat up on the bed to face her, his legs on either side of Lily's. "You know I'll never let you fall off a broom." It was sweet at first but then even he started to ramble. "Technically, it's not even possible to fall off of a broom unless—"_

_"Jaaaames, what if I have to fly without you?"_

_"That'll never happen. Over my dead body."_

_At this, Lily's eyes went wide. She began to protest his idiom of choice but he recognized the error of his words and hurried to right them._

_"I will always be with you, Lils. If you get scared, just close your eyes. And I'll be there."_

_"Promise, you have to promise you will," in one breath. "I can't lose you too."_

_He looked into her eyes when he said it, and he meant it. "I promise."_

_James pulled Lily close, and she was home. He couldn't make everything better, but this promise he could make. No matter what happened, Lily would not lose him too. He wouldn't let that happen. As she wrapped her tiny arms around his head and fluffed his hair, she knew—even if they were the last ones standing, as long as they were together, they'd be okay._

_And just like that, the moment snapped._

_"Ah, I'm sorry I'm being like this. Just seeing everyone today, and the babies—"_

_"You don't have to apologize, and you don't have to be strong always. I felt it too."_

_"I doooo though." They'd had this discussion more times than she could remember. "But back to what I was saying. Can we go get my things right now? I want our forever to start right now."_

_"Well technically our forever started when you finally said yes."_

_"Ughk James you and your technicalities."_

_"Forever is a long time, Lilyflower. We have so much time. We'll go when the boys are around to help."_

_At this Lily huffed, and James jumped on his favorite opportunity:_

_"Did you know you're even cuter when you're drunk?"_

_"Yeah," she smiled back innocently. "I know."_

_"Good, come here."_

_They rolled back on the bed. An impatient half hour of their customary rise and fall and many familiar caresses later—their entire forever still to come—James and Lily were fast asleep._

* * *

A bounce in her step from her happy night and even happier morning, Lily gathered the belongings she'd be taking with her into the magical world. A trunk full of clothes, everything she'd need to make medicinal potions, and her entire wizarding library with a few useful Muggle volumes had been shrunk and packed.

At school, Sirius had always joked that Lily had more supplies in her personal potions collection than did the Diagon Alley apothecary. Remus had always been grateful for the books she kept on her persona—any information they might need for their theoretical homework was at her fingertips. Outside she smiled appreciatively whenever her friends mentioned her all-assuming tendencies, but inside she swelled with pride. Seven long years later, towards the end of which their paths had converged, Lily was finally joining their world for good.

Everything was arranged. When Petunia soon married Vernon, the Order would be buying this house as well. To use as a safe house. Mad-Eye Moody in guise of a realtor already had the preliminary formalities signed and sealed with the older Evans girl. He worked fast, that man.

Lily was leaving for the Marauders' 'bachelor pad' tonight. The flat Sirius extravagantly gloated upon as a sign of him standing on his own two feet after graciously leaving Potter Estate was actually being used by the young Hogwarts grads as an unofficial operating ground for Order-related work. Lily and Remus had a lengthy amount of research to complete before Monday, but if not for that, Lily'd have gone directly to James's.

James had been practically begging Lily to move in with him since they finished their seventh year in December. _Why go back to someone who's made it clear they don't want you in their life?_ he argued. _Why not spend every precious free minute with your irresistible, doting boyfriend?_ Though she rolled his eyes at him, she'd softened to the idea of living with him. Lily had reached acquiescence point. She wanted to be with him forever, so why delay?

This big move was Lily's real birthday present to him. Not that silly backpack. Pureblood—and a charming one—James doubled as an Auror. He was in and out of the Ministry and though he'd shown appreciation for her practical Muggle gift, Lily knew he would never use the placeholder.

Her coming over and never leaving should have been a surprise, but the pear cider had had other plans. Lily scolded herself for being such an open book—not to mention James could read Lily equally well alcohol or not, but Lily just hoped the surprise wasn't ruined.

At last, Lily sorted out the Muggle belongings she was leaving behind to a charity, and selected a few personal items special enough to take with. In a worn black tote, Lily placed one still and two moving photographs—the still an Evans family Christmas photo from 1970—and a magical green sweater. She smiled as she brought it close before gently folding and putting it away. A Marauders story of its own behind it, this sweater had been James's birthday gift to her.

James. _Her_ James.

Since fifth year, Lily Evans had always gotten ready in the morning with a fresh face of makeup. But since she'd been going out with James Potter, a smile was also permanently plastered on her face. He'd made her so happy over the past several months that now it was Lily's turn to return the favor.

Head over heels in love, her mind turned to the work she’d sworn her life to. It focused in on the friends Lily was ready to die for. Together, they were going to save the world.

Without saying goodbye to her sister, Lily left her childhood home. She had a whole magical forever ahead of, and Lily Evans wasn't turning back. 


	3. The Rest Was History

Monday evening couldn't come sooner.

Lily was _aching_ to see James.

She hadn't slept nearly enough Saturday and Sunday nights—not because of the racket Sirius was making in bewitching a fleet of Muggle vehicles for Order use but because of the unending pile of political conference minutes she was to cover.

Death Eaters were gaining traction and confidence by the day, fatalities climbing. While Order field agents made headway in capturing, interrogating, and—if needed—eliminating Voldemort's followers, Professor McGonagall had asked Lily Evans and Remus Lupin to devise means of saving the most lives.

Previous prefects Lily and Remus excelled as a team. His high mental processing paired with her comprehensive nature to produce effective results. Both were strategic and insightful. To those who didn't know them: bookish, commandeering. Just the traits required for coming up with, training the Order in, and implementing a safety plan.

Thus under Lily was born the Muggle-Born Protection Protocol and under Remus, the Endangered Magical Creatures Protocol. They were researching what governments—both magic and Muggle—had done in times of crisis to aid those whose lives were threatened due to their deemed-lesser societal status. And applying what they learned to draft evacuation-and-shelter procedures with a focus on large gatherings.

Lily's brain was _fried_. Her eyes glazed over lines of text. They'd been at it without a break since Saturday night, having lost Friday to the festivities.

Remus slammed his head down on the table and began to rub his temples. Lily wasn't startled.

"Now how are we going to get these out to each group?" he thought into the table.

"Muggle-borns _are_ wizards. They're sensible?" Lily mused back. "They can't have misread things deteriorating in front of their eyes. They'll follow our guidelines if they know what's good for them."

Remus looked up—head still in hands—from Sirius's dining room table. It was covered in so many open books and files that it resembled a Hogwarts library workbench during exam week. Any visible gaps to the dark surface were filled with now-empty mugs of potent tea.

"I mean the centaurs and the goblins and the... werewolves," he hesitated. "They don't _trust_ us." Exhale.

"We'll have to send ambassadors," she replied quietly, finally meeting his eyes.

Remus blinked back. A quiet consensus passed between them. With Dumbledore's plate full, Arthur and Kingsley busy at the Ministry, and McGonagall managing the anxious sentiments of Hogwarts students' parents, their leaders wouldn't be able to serve as ambassadors. Selecting replacements would be Lily and Remus's next order of business, and a tedious one at that.

Lily pushed away thoughts attempting to discern which Order members would be diplomatic enough for the job. They'd need someone who'd strengthen relations with their nonhuman allies, not offend them. After all, it would be hard to save a world that decided it didn't want saving.

She got up from the far end of the table. "I'm going to freshen up before the meeting. Do something about the bags under your eyes, and we'll apparate together."

Remus nodded as if his mother had asked him if he'd eaten, and Lily left him at the table to collect the papers they'd need to update the Order on their progress.

In all, Sirius's Chelsea flat had four bedrooms—the largest at the end of the hall belonging to Sirius, the one next to it to Remus—and three bathrooms. When questioned how he had gotten his hands on such a wealthy property, Sirius had grunted something about his Uncle Alphard making it big in Muggle London after being blasted off the Black family tapestry.

Lily now entered a simple guest room near the kitchen. She was so tired. Her trunk and purse were temporarily resting on an ottoman at the foot of the bed. To be moved to James's in a matter of hours.

_James._

Lily fell back on the bed, closing her eyes. She _needed_ to feel her head placed on James's heart, wrap around his waist, and inhale his characteristic scent—leather, grass, and notes of the Sleekeazy potion that unfortunately never worked on his eternally messy hair. War might be raging outside the walls of his two arms, but in them, Lily's worries melted away. Peace was her reality.

It hadn't always been this way. They'd grown up fighting each other. Her righteously, and him because he could. At least at first.

James Potter was talented and hard-working, emboldened and loved, and reminded of this at all times from all directions. When he finally uncovered the full potential of his skills, that he could employ his smarts for _good,_ his dynamic with Lily Evans shifted.

Lily had held his attention for years by remaining steadily unaffected no matter how exceedingly ostentatious he was. She was the only one who didn't kiss the ground on which he walked. Rather, she challenged his worldview. Lily made James a better person.

Their well known fights in the Great Hall morphed into intimate dialogues in front of the Gryffindor common room fire. During these they both learned more from each other than they had ever fathomed possible. This led to reciprocation of a newfound respect that was palpable to their classmates and professors. Word spread, bets were placed. The once-thought enmity was well on its way to becoming Hogwarts's most noteworthy romance.

To those around them, their mutual realization occurred after too drawn-out a time. They'd become inseparable. He'd carry her heavy school bag on the long walk from the Astronomy Tower to the Potions dungeons. She wasn't bothered by the interminable time the Marauders required of him. He provided an endless supply of her favorite pasties during their late night study sessions. She'd rally everyone in Gryffindor to go all out during his matches as captain.

And oh, how he could make her laugh.

When she saw all the prettiest, popular girls ask him to Hogsmeade and be turned down, she couldn't help but covering her mouth to hide her smile.

When he watched her comfort a homesick first-year, he couldn't get out of his mind an image of her blowing raspberries on the tummy of a giggling toddler with messy black hair and round glasses.

When she sat by him as he concentrated at his Quidditch game plans—scrunching his brows and puckering his lips—she couldn't help but think you couldn't possibly be _this_ happy. She had to have set a new record.

And when he won the Quidditch Cup at the final game their sixth year and kissed her breathless in front of the whole school—whistles and applause galore—every single face in the crowd couldn't help but beam as much as the two of them.

In September of 1977, by the time their first journey on the Hogwarts Express came to a close, every new student had heard the tale of their Head Boy and Head Girl. The rest was history.

But as Lily lay thinking of the only person who could comfort her in this moment of exhaustion and worry, she thought of none of this. Instead she thought of the small, nameless moments she'd spent with the boy who came to mean so much to her. Weaving her fingers through his, nose nuzzles, sitting on his lap, how messy her hair got when he was done with it.

Lily sighed. It could be argued that the behind-the-scenes work she was doing was just as important as his, but in reality, it couldn't be compared. James's assignments for the Order meant putting his life in danger, waltzing with death. Every time he went out, she didn't know if she'd see him again. At times she felt like a useless housewife, that her defense training had been a waste.

 _It's a blessing you haven't had to use it,_ James had said when he once came back brutally hexed from countering an attack on a K-12 Muggle school. Lily cried herself to sleep for three days at the sight of his bleeding body.

_I can't lose you too._

Still, she'd put on a front as she nursed him back to full strength.

Lily played her role as the Marauder's ray of sunshine impeccably well. She was aggressively optimistic—she wanted to be—convincing his brothers as much as herself that James would be okay. Soon this war would be over and the fighting worth it.

But it had been just three months out of school, and even positive ball of light Lily was subject to unimaginable thoughts seeping in if she wasn't careful.

"Evans! Let's go!" came a voice far too animated to be Remus's.

Lily splashed water on her face and slipped on her green sweater, wand up its sleeve, before Sirius Black had a chance to complain she was being a prissy schoolgirl and taking too long to get ready.

Sirius was looking as hot as ever when Lily entered the kitchen: blotched in mechanical oil, hair disheveled, donning his iconic brown leather jacket. They'd once found a group of fourth-year Ravenclaw girls arguing over who'd get to keep it when seventh-year Sirius had left the leather jacket in a classroom. In order to get it back, Sirius had but to smile and say, "Now, now. No fighting ladies! There's enough of me to go around!" They all swooned, but one of the girls fainted.

"I finished four motorcycles and two cars today—twice more than they're paying me for!"

"They're _not_ paying you, Sirius."

"Oh but they'll wish they were when they see the range on these babies. Plus they're so user-friendly—oh hey, Moony. You look like death."

Remus hadn't done anything about the bags under his eyes.

Sirius continued emphatically, "Did you and Evans finally figure out how to stop innocent lives from being lost? Wait 'til Prongs—"

But whatever Sirius wanted James to see or do was lost when Remus rolled his eyes, "Shut up, Padfoot," sticking out his right arm for his sister and brother to take and apparate.

"Nice sweater, Evans."

And then a loud crack. The kitchen was empty.


	4. Order of the Phoenix

Remus, Sirius, and Lily landed with another loud crack.

They found themselves in a forest so thick the time of day would be mistaken for night when in fact it was only dusk. The air was damp but fresh. It had just rained, as if in anticipation of the trio. Foliage bumped into their bodies as they re-adjusted themselves—Sirius and Lily no longer grasping Remus's arm, Lily and her green sweater blending into the scene.

"So this is where Mad-Eye lives then, eh?" Sirius piped up, straightening his jacket. "I swear, the places these paranoid ol' crackheads—"

" _Shhh_ ," Remus interrupted again. "Be quiet, would you? We don't know if we've landed within the enchantments or not. Don't want to be attracting the _wrong_ order now, do—"

"Constant vigilance," Lily butt in satirically.

As much as she cared for safety, Lily was a Marauder after all. She smirked towards Sirius at Remus's expense.

The latter had recently developed an overprotective trait. The possibility of Marauder deaths translated into newfound anxiety for Remus. His best friends had done so much for him over the years... how could he live without them?

Lily knew that if Remus saw a boggart today, it would not be a full moon. Rather, it'd take the form of four very familiar dead bodies. So she joked and smiled to keep his finicking at bay.

"Oh c'mon Moony, lighten up. If we were told to apparate here, then it must be safe."

"Where's everyone else then?"

They took a defensive stance—wands out, surveying the greenery around them. It wasn't until Sirius turned his eyes upwards that his flanks did as well.

Contentedly situated in the trunks above them was a treehouse that sprawled beyond their visual reach.

The moment Remus, Sirius, and Lily sensed the house, the house addressed them as well. Down came a sturdy black ladder.

"Treehouse more like tree-mansion," Sirius began as Lily led the climb. "Did he build this _himself_?" Remus quietly followed her; Sirius continued to question. " _How_ did he build this?" Now calling up to the present half of his friend group, "What do you reckon it'd take to build a treehouse in the Whomping Willow?" Sirius traipsed up the ladder and met them at the top. "I bet James and I can take that on with a few pointers from Mad-Eye."

They emerged on a wide landing, a porch of sorts, to a locked front door.

"It wraps around," Remus motioned, ignoring Sirius. He and Lily followed, hoping this cryptic location really was where their Order meeting was.

And sure enough, the back entrance of large, open French doors led into what must have been Mad-Eye's idea of a foyer.

They entered a circular hall with a high ceiling, framed by curving shelves. On these shelves rested encyclopedic volumes on practical magical use, leather-bound journals, magical gadgets, and jars of both recognizable herbs and more questionable contents.

But it was the sheer size of the table at the heart of the room that stole the show. _It's broad enough to lay ten adult corpses across_. As if the morbid image came to them simultaneously, three of the five Marauders exchanged an exclamatory glance.

It was dark but for lanterns haphazardly placed around the room. Eleven chairs had been scrunched toward one side of the table, from which six heads turned to face them. On the other side—across from Remus, Sirius, and Lily—stood Albus Dumbledore.

"Ah," Sirius beamed, nodding at Dumbledore and taking his spot next to Frank Longbottom. "Just when Remus here thought this place was a trap."

Sturgis Podmore, Edgar Bones, Dorcas Meadows, and the Prewett brothers were also present—Podmore and Bones discussing the glum state of affairs at the Ministry; Dorcas waiting solemnly to be addressed; and Fabian checking his watch, whispering to Gideon.

"I was merely being cautious," Remus rolled his eyes, sitting towards the back while Lily took a front seat next to Professor McGonagall.

"The damn right thing to be," Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody bellowed, stomping into the room from stairs suspended in the air and shutting everyone up. "There's a war going on."

"Let's start shall we?" Moody confirmed with Dumbledore, standing next to the founder of the Order of the Phoenix, and on cue:

"Sorry I'm late!" Arthur Weasley appeared, tipping his hat and filling the last empty chair.

Dumbledore finally spoke.

"That's alright, Arthur. I believe that's everyone who will be attending this evening, Alastor. Carry on."

Had their seating not been strategic, but rather privy to exchanging interrogative looks, now would've been the time Remus, Sirius, and Lily bore their eyes into one another's skulls.

_Where was James?_

"First order of business: updates," began Moody. "I'll go on the status of field missions reported back to me, and we'll proceed around the room."

"Doesn't he mean _first business of Order_?" Sirius muttered under his breath to no one in particular.

But Moody didn't fail to hear. "Think this a bloody joke, do you, Black?"

"No, sir." Sirius stood, a smile still playing at his face.

"You're not in school anymore! Bloody act like it. Know what? Why don't you start us off instead?"

Without skipping a beat, "My pleasure," Sirius replied confidently.

"How are those transportation devices getting along? Dearborn was just questioned by his Parliament mates how he was getting from Sussex into central London every day without a car."

"Of the two bikes and one car you required for field agents doubling as Muggles, I've completed twice as many— _four_ bikes and _two_ cars—using roughly eighty percent of the budget allotted to me. Not only are these vehicles equipped with ample safety and escape features, they will make the work of those protecting Muggle communities or following Death Eaters in disguise more efficient. Kingsley will be performing the checks to ensure these vehicles are up to your standards—in other words, impervious to any breech—after his night shift at the Ministry as I arranged with him earlier this afternoon."

"Thank you, Sirius," acknowledged Dumbledore before Moody had a chance to reply. "Alastor, back to you. What news do you have of Pettigrew?"

Lily, who had been furiously yet neatly recording minutes by hand (not trusting an enchanted quill to do a just job), looked up from her writing at the mention of the last Marauder. Like the others, she had a soft spot for him that stemmed from his meekness, and she was concerned for his safety.

"Hasn't reported much," grumbled Moody. "Ol' Abraxas has been hush hush since the Leach incident and wouldn' be surprised if he told Lucius to be the same. Hard to tell friend from foe these days. I'd almost commend the Malfoys on being sensible enough to not trust a new servant."

Since Abraxas Malfoy was found connected to the death of _Muggle-born_ Minister of Magic Nobby Leach, and loving old cousin Cissy Black went off the grid in her correspondence with Sirius upon becoming Narcissa Malfoy in a quiet, arranged marriage to Abraxas's son Lucius, the Order had sent Peter as an undercover servant to the Malfoy household. Leaning toward dark as much as Potter Estate inclined toward light, Malfoy Manor ought to have been the prime source on the movements of Rodolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange, their minions Severus Snape and Regulus Black, and their leader Voldemort himself.

"It's a pity Peter hasn't had more to say," observed Dumbledore frankly.

Why Dumbledore had let him into the field over Sirius had been a hot issue among the young grads. Even newly-married, mousy Alice Longbottom had been approved to take position in a Muggle hospital to keep an eye on injuries that had to have been caused by magic. Ultimately, they'd agreed the best explanation was that Peter wouldn't be dueling much anyways and would be out of harm's way in kitchen quarters. They didn't have to worry about him, and any information he could send their way would only be an addition. Plus, as James had pointed out, Peter was inconspicuous. He knew how to keep himself out of trouble.

Moody went on to describe the status of other in-progress operations.

Voldemort's army, the Dark Army, outnumbered the Order twenty to one. Until the Ministry took on a more active role, victory for the Order would be a game of pure odds and sheer force.

So, the Prewett brothers were given permission to kill rather than capture on any lead.

Then, Moody told Frank and Dorcas to trace and weed out the newest, least-trusted, and weakest of Voldemort's followers—as many as they could by the next Order meeting.

 _No mention of James,_ thought Lily.

Dorcas and Frank offered her a sympathetic smile. They knew Lily wanted nothing more than to be out there, fighting. Making a _difference._ Though her face didn't show it, Lily's heart hurt at seeing _yet another_ pair of friends go out into a world that could hurt them.

"Gideon, Fabian, Frank, and Dorcas, goodluck," Dumbledore spoke softly. "Remember, resolution of mind far surpasses strength of numbers."

Lily and Remus gave a briefing on their efforts to collaborate with nonhuman magical beings and shared their proposed next steps. The duo received approval from Professor McGonagall to proceed with the ambadassadors they deemed fit. Their drafted regulations would be revised and finalized by her promptly.

It was now Arthur's and Podmore's turn to share the Ministry update.

"You'll know by this morning's Prophet that Barty Crouch has been newly appointed as the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement," shared Arthur. "The Ministry's not so popular right now, people are scared, and it seems he really wants to make up by reining in the chaos. He's aiming to definitively differentiate truly bad eggs from the Imperiused by sending out more raids, involving Ministry employees from all departments in an all-hands-on-deck, 'desperate times call for desperate measures' policy."

"That's not to mention the ones right under his nose that Crouch's forgetting," Podmore jumped in. "Mad-Eye, I'll need to borrow an invisibility cloak again to check the offices of those in the Ministry Weasley and I suspect."

"O' course. And who are your suspects?"

"Rookwood, for one," Arthur said. "Had a funny thing to say to me the other day about the Muggle school attack. 'What difference does it make when or how? Mudbloods have it coming. I say, save yourself the trouble, Weasley. A pureblood such as yourself should know where his loyalties lie.' Needless to say, I told him where my loyalties—"

"Sensible of them to appoint Crouch to remedy the current state of affairs," McGonagall stepped in. "He's by-the-book but not vapid."

Dumbledore took the floor.

"I'm glad to hear the Ministry will finally be doing their share of the work in protecting our citizens and serving a blow to Voldemort's ranks. Thank you, Arthur. Sturgis. Work with Kingsley to position yourselves close to Crouch's work. I'll meet with the man myself, but the more eyes we have on the comprehensive set of progress he's made, the better."

 _What about James?_ Now, Sirius's head was spinning. Prongs was always boasting how much he'd impressed the whole Auror department as an intern last summer. Now, in the three short months Prongs had been at the Ministry full-time, Crouch himself had said he'd be needing the likes of James. _Why isn't he having James cozy up to Crouch?_

 _Perhaps Professor Dumbledore isn't addressing James because he isn't_ here _at the meeting right now,_ thought Remus at his own seat.

"That being said, Edgar, I'd like you to continue your efforts recruiting Miss Bones," added Dumbledore.

Bones had been temporarily injured from his last field mission, and like Lily, wanted to do something, _anything_ , to help. This now meant getting his sister Amelia Bones, who worked directly under Barty Crouch, to join the Order.

"She's Barty's right-hand, and the Order would benefit greatly from her addition. Your role in bringing her on would be of utmost service to us."

McGonagall raised her brows _. The lengths to which this man will go._

Not only of those present but of the entire Order, Minerva McGonagall knew Albus Dumbledore best of all. Even more, arguably, than his brother Aberforth. Albus had first put dashing James (rich, new Auror, Quidditch legend, leader of a gang of troublemakers the girls saw as playboys) on the case of the young administrator against Minerva's better advice. She knew strong-willed Amelia would give no importance to James and his tasked flirtation, and as she'd told him it would, Al's initial plan had indeed failed. He now took up Minnie's advice to go straight to the source, and at the meeting, Minnie saw right through Al's words one of his strongest skills: _He's impeccable at inspiring loyalty, at making young men feel valued enough that they'd instantaneously do what he asked._

"Definitely." Bones looked determined. "I won't let you down, sir."

 _What's an Order meeting without a healthy dose of melodrama?_ Sirius held his breath as if waiting for Lily to explode.

The mention of "Miss Bones" vexed Lily. She knew nothing had happened between James and Amelia, but she had thought it _unnecessary_ on Professor Dumbledore's part having James _flirt_ when his muscles and brains could be put to better use. Sirius had said she was just jealous for Lily Evans herself was well-versed with the precision with which flirting got James Potter what he wanted. _Wherever Potter is now he better be doing something of substance_ , she thought _._

"Now, I believe that concludes our agenda for this evening but for one announcement. Potter Estate is now the official headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. Your colleagues will be informed, and we shall meet again this Thursday, same time, at Potter Estate."

_Potter Estate!_

Remus, Sirius, and Lily stood with the rest of the party and finally looked at each other.

"No more scrambling between Hog's Head and heads' houses, thank Merlin," Frank said to Sirius, stretching his legs.

Rest everybody head outside Moody's house to apparate. Moody himself went back up his floating staircase.

"Yeah, no kidding," Sirius replied. To Remus, quietly, "Potter Estate? When did that happen?"

To ensure secrecy, the Order didn't meet in the same place for long, but now the organization had a home.

"I'll see you on Thursday then," began Dorcas, waving at Lily and looking somber.

The inflection in her voice seemed as if she had more to say, but Dorcas turned and left.

"Give my best to Molly," Lily told Arthur. On their first meeting, the girl and woman had bonded over the one-of-a-kind red hair their significant others so loved, and Molly had been like a big sister to Lily since. "I'd be happy to come by and lend a h—"

"Miss Evans, Mr Lupin, and Mr Black," asserted Dumbledore's from across the room. "I have one last matter to discuss with you three."

With a "see you kids," Arthur left as well, leaving the newest Order members—Remus, Sirius, and Lily—with their old professors—McGonagall and Dumbledore.

The five of them had never shared a moment without a sixth someone, and his absence was palpable.

Remus responded first. "What's the matter, Professor?"

Lily assessed the still energy in the room. Quickly scanning the four faces in front of her, she found Professor McGonagall's to be as inquisitive as Remus's and Sirius's. Lily had a sense where this was going, and she preemptively felt hints of nausea. She inhaled sharply but didn't say a word.

"Yes, Albus?"

Deciding that Dumbledore had played the suspense card long enough, Sirius said what they were all thinking:

"Where is James?"


	5. Too Good To Be True

Sirius asked firmly but not unkindly, "Where is James?"

The words hung in the air as they tend to in light of a tragedy. Silence responded in a last attempt to shelter Lily from the gravity of the pain she'd feel next. The calm before the storm.

 _James_.

The five people _he_ adored most each felt the weight of his brother's words. Why were they standing here discussing this? Where was he? Did she want to hear what Professor Dumbledore had to say?

"James is gone."

Suddenly, each well-concealed insecurity Lily harbored was alight. James could be any length from her, yet her chest would still constrict mercilessly at every divulgence of his name. Before in regards to James, bliss had manifested itself in Lily's chest as a swelling heart. But the qualms that were engulfing her now told no tales of happiness. She knew that happiness was long gone, what Professor Dumbledore said James to be.

"What do you mean _gone_ , Albus?"

"I know only that James has left us... voluntarily, but perhaps indefinitely. Before doing so, he entrusted his home to the Order."

Lily was beside herself. She sensed the strength leave her body, as if it were being sucked from her in a whirl of grey smoke, and she, who was once brilliantly golden, was left ashen. The numbness was spreading from her core to her limbs. She was drifting further and further away, listening to the transpiring conversation from across an ocean.

"Where did he go?"

"I do not know where he is."

"This seems senseless, Albus. Why would the boy just get up and leave?"

 _Yes_ , Lily wanted to cry out. In fact, she did. _He can't just leave. He hasn't_! The force of her thoughts reverberated through her body but no sound escaped Lily's lips. Unconsciously, she'd crossed her wrists at the base of her ribs. A steadying and caving posture both at once. Instinctively, Lily now gripped the sleeve ends of her green sweater. _He promised._

"His motivations for leaving were not bared to me, unfortunately. He simply asked in exchange for headquarters that I convey his departure to his friends here."

But his friends' minds were elsewhere.

" _I will always be with you, Lils. If you get scared, just close your eyes. And I'll be there."_

Lily closed her eyes. Try as she might to conjure a perfect image of James—the night black hair she grasped, his burning eyes, that soft mouth and the smile it cast just for her—Lily couldn't see James. All she could see were the words _Fight or Flight_ scrawled in the air. At their first Order defense training, Moody must have forgotten that there was a _third_ response to danger. It was in this that Remus, Sirius, and Lily were now trapped as the impasse between Albus and Minerva continued.

"He had to have had a reason," Minerva pressed.

"I have done what I can to ensure the boy is safe. And he is, for the time being."

This must have struck a nerve with Remus, for his trance shattered first. Lily remained frozen.

"What? You can't just let him go. Professor, we have to send someone after him!" Remus struggled to piece together a logical argument. Rather, his emotions rolled from his tongue. "We have to find him. The Order needs him. _We_ need him."

Hidden in that last "we" were both Lily's and Sirius's plights.

Lily gazed absently at Professor Dumbledore and she was taken back several months. It was the day after Halloween. She had been rehearsing for a Charms practical during a mid-morning break when she was summoned to the headmaster's office. Her visits with Dumbledore had previously been formality or celebratory, and at the very least, pleasant. But that particular day, when he'd informed her of the murders of her parents, Lily saw Dumbledore in a new light: the bearer of bad news, a messenger of death.

The lump in her throat was growing, and she felt agitatedly warm. It took Lily all her strength to not break down in this reputable company. But it seemed Remus's resolve had gone out the window.

"Professor! There's an army out there waiting to _torture_ him! If not for the crime of being a blood traitor then for the depth of our intel! You can't just—"

"Mr Lupin, may I suggest you have a seat?"

Their stern but compassionate professor looked sympathetically at Remus. Then forcibly at Albus. Even Minerva seemed at a loss for words to get more out of him in front of the kids. James Potter couldn't be gone without cause, and definitely not without informing those he'd been attached to at the hip. There was more to this story, she was certain, but Albus would only budge when he wanted to.

"I am aware of the unsettling nature of this news," Dumbledore reasoned. "It comes as a shock to us all, and I share your sense of loss. But for now, let us take solace in James's safety, respect his wishes, and not let this drain our energies. I will do all in my power to protect one of our brightest and bravest."

Like Lily and Remus, Minerva and Albus functioned fluidly as a pair, so she took over when Albus took off.

"I will speak to him," she assured her favorite students. "Now Mr Black, as surprised as I am, I'm leaving _you_ in charge. Please take care of Mr Lupin and Miss Evans. If they are not well, while I can no longer anoint detention, I will personally hold you responsible."

"Of course, Minnie dearest," returned Sirius with his most unaffected of grins.

And with an omniscient motherly smile—the kind that convinced you everything would in fact be alright—and a crack, Professor McGonagall was gone.

The room was empty but for the Marauders. Sirius addressed this aloud.

"What's left of us anyways."

Lily was positively shaking, and Remus shot Sirius a death glare.

"Ahh, too soon for a joke I see."

"What are you meddling kids still doing here?" called a moody voice somewhere above them.

"We were just leaving. Any way we can apparate from here?"

"Sure."

Sirius grabbed the fuming lot, and they too were sucked out of sight.

* * *

Back at the Chelsea flat, Sirius immediately sat Remus in a tall red armchair—one they'd "borrowed" from the Gryffindor common room—and Lily on an adjacent loveseat. Tea, biscuits, chocolates, and firewhiskey were provided. Romey, the Potter house elf, was already there and making them dinner.

April was still budding so London was a tad stormier than usual. The gloom could now be felt in Sirius's family room so he conjured blue flames to take center stage as he took a seat across from Remus.

"So, are we going to talk about what just happened or nah?"

A twinge of embarrassment touched Remus recollecting his earlier outburst, but the anger returned just as quickly and he was reminded not to feel sorry for too long.

"How can you be so calm when James is gone!?"

"My point exactly. For one, we don't know if he's _gone_ gone. And two, it's _James_. Where's he going to go without telling us?"

"He clearly has. How else could Dumbledore use Potter Estate? And Romey be here with us instead of James? Why can't you see?"

"Why can't _you_ see Moony that this might just be one of Dumbledore's secret elaborate plans? It's simple really. I know James. _We_ know James. He wouldn't pull a stunt like this unless he had to. Even Minnie said it. He had to have had a reason."

"I don't want to fight in this war if it means we're going to be pawns."

"Like it or not, we _are_ fighting this war. And we _are_ pawns unless we make a name for ourselves otherwise. Moody was right. We're not in bloody school anymore."

"What do you suggest we do? Try to talk to him? _Find_ him?"

"We won't be able to find him unless he wants to be found."

Remus pursed in agreement. Then added, "And you're sure you don't you think this is contrived? That he was taken?"

"No, it's too quiet for it to be a conspiracy. At least for now. They'd want something more in return for James..."

Gratitude washed over Remus as he felt fully present once more: mindful of living, breathing, talking Sirius in front of him. Then guilt as he realized that in all this time, Lily hadn't spoken a single word.

Sirius thought the same and met his eyes; they both tentatively looked over to where she had been sitting.

Lily had fallen sideways onto the sofa and was huddled in fetal position, clutching around her dearly her green sweater as if she was holding on to James's life itself.

" _Get Evans a necklace."_

" _Please. So she can keep a picture of me in a pendant close to her heart?" James mocked, gagging playfully. "Next."_

" _How about a teddy bear?"_

" _She has me, my fluffy hair, and—if those are temporarily unavailable—Padfoot in_ his _fluffy form to cuddle with. Next."_

" _A ring?"_

" _Too soon."_

" _Merlin, James. It wouldn't have been too soon if you got Lily a ring when she beat you at Transfiguration in first year. You were smitten by the possibility of someone outsmarting you."_

" _Maybe so," James smiled at the memory of how infuriated he'd been to have come second before he realized the one to put him in his place was none other than the redheaded princess. At eleven, she was first ever to crack to his confidence. It was a lesson he'd come to appreciate. Fury settled into awe, and years later, here he was trying to give her a birthday present she'd value as much._

" _But rings are... I don't know what the word for it is, but when she has my word and my heart, I don't think she'd care for a ring. I want to give her something really special, that'll make her happy and remind her of me, something she'll always hold dear..."_

" _Hold deer, eh?" Sirius's puns could never be stopped, and they honestly wouldn't have it any other way._

" _A stag and a doe!" exclaimed Remus. "We could enchant them so they'd circle and play with one another!"_

" _Hmm, moving in the right direction, lads."_

" _A James figurine," Peter chimed in. "You know, so she can—"_

" _He's not getting her a voodoo doll," sighed Remus._

" _What's voo doo?"_

_Sirius laughed. "At this point Prongs, just carve out your heart and give it to her on a silver platter."_

" _I wish."_

" _Lily would want something simple. Sweet. Even practical."_

" _Chocolates and a sweater?" Peter responded to Remus. "That's_ your _ideal gift, Moony. I'm sure Lily would appreciate a little more effor—"_

" _That's perfect! Wormtail you're a genius!"_

" _I am?"_

" _Yes, she can never have enough chocolates. And a sweater would be perfect for spring. Green, you know, the color of her eyes. And I can put a spell on it so when she wears it, it'd feel like hugging me..."_

_Sirius and Remus looked at one another. When it came to Lily, how tender James could be never ceased to surprise them._

" _So it's settled," Sirius jumped in. "Prongs and I are going to Hogsmeade so he can pick out a sweater that matches the precise shade of Evans's irises. Moony, you and Wormy here go to the library and research charms. Let's make this sweater feel, smell, and taste," Sirius winked, "like James."_

In James's absence, Lily lay in the remnants of his embrace. She inhaled: leather from the Quaffle, grass from the pitch during a pouring match, bucketfuls of Sleekeazy. Remus and Sirius were talking. " _We won't be able to find him..."_ Green sweater wrapped tightly around her, mimicking the feel of his arms, she grew desperate. She wanted to touch him. See him. Anything. _He left. Without a word. Did this mean they... that they were over?_

Tears escaped, racing into the sofa. Now Remus and Sirius were talking _to_ her. But she couldn't hear what they had to say. Lily's world had stopped moving. She'd been here before. When _he_ betrayed her. When her parents... Now, James?

"Lily, James—"

Saying James's name was addressing Lily directly. If he was hurt or scared or broken or tired or weak, she would know. And give anything to be with him and wipe away his tears in that moment. Lily tilted her head up to see her boys towering over her.

"He'll come around. You need to eat something."

She sat up slowly.

"He promised," she started to tell the boys. "You don't understand. Three nights ago, he _promised_ he wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't do this. He can't. Unless..."

The sobs began. James leaving, James dying, it was one and the same. When she had no idea if he was safe, he was as good as dead.

Sirius sat down beside her, wrapping his arm around her petite shoulders and bringing her into his side. He gestured at Remus to pour a cup of tea.

"Fucking James. We'll get to the bottom of this."

"I can't lose him too."

"It's alright, Lily." He rubbed her shoulder. "We're here."

If the girls who had swooned over Sirius's jacket saw him now, all four would have fainted. This display of Sirius's sensitive side was as rare as Lily's moment of vulnerability, but the time called for it. Her fears ran deep but his purpose in protecting the pack ran deeper. Still, Sirius knew better then to give Lily false hope. Before he could make any assurances, he needed to get ahold of James.

"Dumbledore mentioned he made sure James was safe," Remus said, handing Lily the tea. "So he's in contact with him?"

"But we're not getting any more information out of Dumbledore. I was surprised he hadn't even told Minnie."

"Do you think Mad-Eye might know? Or Kingsley? They're Aurors and will ask question if James doesn't show up to work."

"I somehow doubt Dumbledore would tell Mad-Eye or Kingsley before Minnie... I need to think. But first, I need a drink."

"We can use the mirror to talk to James," recalled Remus, referring to the set of mirrors James and Sirius used to communicate when they were stuck in separate detentions.

But Sirius declined the last of Remus's suggestions. "I tried it as soon as we got back here. No response, just my reflection."

Lily held the cup of tea close to her tear-smudged face, still sniffling. "Romey might know."

Sirius summoned two wide crystal glasses and poured doubles.

"Asked her too. She said Master James told her he'd be back soon and to look after us in the meantime."

Lily quickly downed her tea and held out her cup for Sirius to fill with firewhiskey. "Me too."

Sirius cocked a brow that went unnoticed by Lily. Not wanting to upset her further by coddling, he didn't refuse her drink. Though he knew her wave of sadness had passed, they'd just have to be careful.

But the doubles quickly become triples. And the triples, quadruples. The trio openly dissected anything and everything said and done by James Potter in the preceding weeks. Had he acted out of character? Slipped something that might give a clue to where he was, what he was doing? But the discussion was fruitless. None of his friends could point to anything other than ordinary.

Lily Evans couldn't point to anything at all. She was now very drunk.

"I knew it was too good to be true. James Fleamont Potter. Perfect James Potter with his stupid hair and his stupid glasses and his stupid smile. Why did you let me go out with him anyway?" Lily digged into Remus's chest.

"And you!" she turned one-eighty to attack Sirius. "Why would you let him chase me like I was some prize to be won?"

Sirius gave Remus a dire look. A drunk James moaning over Lily he'd handled many, _many,_ times. But a drunk Lily whining about James? Well, there was first time for everything.

"I'm a person you know! One with feelings! But you boys don't understand that, do you? For you, it's just the sex. The messing around until you're bored. And then you're onto the next one!"

"Okay, Lily, I think it's time for bed."

Remus tried to help her up off the couch where she was sitting with her knees snuggled into her chest, firewhiskey in hands (which Sirius was trying his best to grab).

"I can take care of myself. I don't need you. Or you." Drunk Lily was almost scary. "Or James."

Lily stood pushing the Marauders out of the way. She finished off the firewhiskey in one swig and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I am _going_ to see Severus."


End file.
